DP 2007 - The Official Draft Picks

Well, its that time again. I figured that I would be the first person to re-sign their selections from this year.

The AP is reporting that Kevin has decided to re-sign Fidel Castro for the 2007 DP. He officially renounces the rights to Stephen Hawking, Eminem, Courtney Love, and Wilford Brimley.


Update: CWG suggested that I post everybody's picks from last year. Here you go:

1. Kevin: Fidel Castro, Stephen Hawking, Eminem, Courtney Love, and Wilford Brimley
2. The Chad: Gerald Ford, Joe Paterno, Horatio Sans, Michael J Fox, Magic Johnson
3. Jon-boy: Bobby Bowden, Warren Buffett, Mike McQueary, Derek Fox, Verne Troyer
4. CWG: Kevin Federline, Robert Downey Jr., Ed McMahon, George Jones, Muhammed Ali
5. Von: Little Richard, W Mark Felt, Nick Nolte, Tony Bennett, John Goodman

Hope that helps.
~K

DP 2007 - The Official Rules

Ok, it doesn't happen very often, but the Chad makes a good point. I don't think that I laid out a very clear explanation of all the rules for the Pool. Since I know that we will have many more participants this year, I think its good to lay everything out in one area for everybody to see. So, here we go, and if there is anything that I miss, post it in the comments section and I will amend it. The official posting for those of us who can re-sign our free agents will be up later tonight (Tuesday).

Official Rules

By the power vested in me by the United States of America, I hereby declare these the Official rules of the 2007 Monday 5 P.M. Death Pool

1. The Death Pool (hereto referred to simply as "the Pool") attempts to predict which celebrities will pass away in the current year.

2. The only people eligible to be selected are Celebrities. While impossible to specifically declare what makes a celebrity, a good rule of thumb is that their obit would appear in national newspapers. Also, a person can not become a celebrity only because of their death. We'll refer to this as the Daniel Smith rule.

3. The scoring works as such: you take the number 100 minus your celebrity's age. For instance, if someone would have had Steve Irwin this year, they would have received 56 points (100-44). This way, you are rewarded by taking chances that younger celebrities will parrish.

4. The person with the highest total number of points for the entire year wins. For the 2006 Pool, there have been exactly 0 points awarded. We suck at this.

5. Your selections are only good for that year. So, the picks for 2007 will be made in December of 2006. If one of your picks dies before 2007, tough luck. However, we will allow you to select a supplemental draft choice.

6. People who are ineligible as selections: People on death row. Currently missing children. If I missed anyone else that is obvious, let me know. In other words, play like a normal person (or as normal as a person who participates in the Pool can be).

7. The way that it stands now, there are no repetitive picks. Once a person has been drafted, they are off the board. This could change in future years, but that's the rule as it stands now.

8. Participants will be able to re-sign their free agents year after year. Currently, the re-signing period will run from November 1st till November 30th at midnight. If you haven't declared your intent to keep some or all of your previous year selections by that point, anyone can draft them.

9. This should be much higher up, but each person can draft up to 10 people. The 10 people includes any re-signed draftees from the previous year.

10. The open selection period for new participants and current players looking to fill out their rosters is December 1st at midnight till Dec 31st at midnight. All picks can be made in the comments section of the offical Pool Posting which will be up shortly. The timestamp from this site will be the official tie-breaker and official record keeper as to who got their picks in first.

11. This is for entertainment purposes only.

12. Have fun.

~K

You wanted the best, you got the best.....DP 2007!

I was going to hold off unveiling the Death Pool rules for 2007 under November, but this is close enough and I couldn't think of anything else to write about tonight. So.....I know that you are all waiting for this, and without further ado.....

Death Pool 2007!

Official rules

Ok, the rules aren't going to be changing much for this upcoming year. A few minor tweaks here and there, but nothing Earth-shattering.

First, I will be instituting the Larry Bird rule. Now, the Larry Bird rule has nothing to do with the health and well-being of Larry Bird. In the NBA, teams are given certain advantages to re-signing their own free-agents. So, what I have decided to do it let everyone who participated in the pool this year determine whether or not you want to re-sign 2006's selections. The first day of this period will be November 1st, and it will end at midnight on November 30th. If you haven't let the world know by that point that you want to keep some or all of your picks, they automatically become free agents. Going to be out of the country and unable to re-sign your picks? Tough. Deal with it.

This brings me to my second point. The number of available picks will be expanding from 5 to 10. This might sound a bit harsh, but I don't think that we had nearly enough action this year. So, hopefully the increased number of selections will make it more interesting.

Next, scoring will remain the same. The person's age minus 100. It's simple, yet effective.

The open season for all new participants, as well as the add-on's for existing players will begin at 12:01 am on December 1st.

The same general rule s will apply as last year: All selected persons must be of a certain level of celebrity status. Nobody on Death Row. No missing children. In other words, play like a normal person. (or as normal as participating in a Death Pool can be).

All picks will be made though the comments section of the Official Death Pool Posting, which I will put up on November 1st. The automatic stamp will determine whose picks got their first.

If I forgot anything, or you have any questions, just let me know.

~Kevin

Thanks for the memories.......

Well, since another one of the group has decided to destroy his life by taking that dreaded walk down the aisle, I felt it was appropriate to take a walk down memory lane.

You see, a few days ago I was required to go through some of the artifacts that I had acquired during my half-decade at Penn State. I was expecting to throw away a few papers and be on my way, but a funny thing happened. I managed to compress five of the best years of my life into 3 short hours.

It's amazing what emotions and memories can be extracted from something as simple as a photograph. So, without further delay, here are some of the hits (and misses) of my trip down memory lane.

Hits:
Playboy. Many pictures from back in the day. A photo of the infamous night when we all got to meet Playboy Playmate (and future Dancing with the Stars participant) Kelly Monaco. Without going into specifics, let's just say that some of us have aged differently than others.

School work. I was amazed at the level of work I did in college. I also don't know what prompted me to want to save so much of it. Was I really going to need an equation from Physics 202? A graph from Econ 304? Never. But I saved it anyway. Oh, and by the way, we Fucking Owned Physics. How do I know this? It was written on every class-sanctioned formula sheet that we had. I even managed to find some stuff from Math 220. The infamous (insert crazy German accent) "c'mon you are killers, you must zee two" class.

Photos. Here we took alot, but not enough. Mostly of freshman year. All the usual suspects. Pavlik, Rocco, Morgan "me piss on da door", etc. Brandi (the inflatable one, not the idiot-sounding girl from the Palace). (And no, she didn't have any working orifices). (Maybe the plural there should be orifii). Whatever. I'm babbling.

Artifacts. Some things were museum quality. I mean, items that can be directly traced back to the start of something great. Kind of like finding Bill Gates' first computer disk. Well, I found the side of the first case of beer I ever drank. Miller MGD. DWB and I got a 35 year old 8th year senior to get this for us. We proceeded to get drunk, and start a snowball fight. DWB was then unceremoniously clotheslined by the scrawniest tree branch in the history of man kind. The snowball fight moved indoors and violations and a trip to see Rocco "hey, guys" Infantino soon followed.

I also found the brochure that CWG defiled by altering "All females must be escorted at all times" to "All females must be butt-ass naked at all times" Ah, those we're the days.

Misses:
School work. I found the now-world famous "9" exam. And for those of you who aren't aware of the "9" exam, let's just say that the score wasn't out of 10.

Artwork. Legally, all I am allowed to say is that it involved St. Patty's Day, food-coloring, and an interesting, modern-day spin on a Rorschach test.

Entomology. Ray Combs. 'nuff said.

All-in-all, not a bad way to spend a Sunday afternoon.

Till next week.

~Kevin

I will now cry myself to sleep.....

Persons of Planet Earth:

Excellent point Meridith! I certainly don't want to limit my readership to a strictly male audience. In my dreams, this is a blog that is equally enjoyable to both men and women alike. However, in those same dreams, the women have names like Sunshine, Jade, and Crystal. But that's another story.

Onto the game. I don't know what to say. I really don't. This was it. This was the season. Do I need to lower my expectations and pray that we beat Michigan before I die? Really? What's realistic for us at this point? 2010? 2050? Just give me a number to work with. I feel like a pre-2004 Red Sox fan. I just feel that there are certain things that I might not see this program do before I check out.

I would try and add my expert technical football analysis, but I think that we've covered most of it already. But here are a couple of points that I want to emphasize just because I can.

First, I remember the day that Henne picked PSU over Michigan. He was a highly ranked high school quarterback who wanted a chance to go pro. Well, can't really say that I question his thought process. Like somebody else pointed out, we haven't sent a quarterback to the pros since Kerry Collins in the 1995 draft. Thats 11 seasons. We don't even have a 3rd string quarterback on an NFL roster. I did a bit of research and since Paterno took over we have had 8 QBs who played at least 1 season in the NFL. And thats a list that includes names like Wally Richardson and Kevin Thompson. That covers 41 seasons. Michigan, on the other hand, has had its last 5 (Todd Collins, Griese, Brady, Henson, and John Navarre) all make it to an NFL roster. Henne will make it 6. If I had a son with those types of skills I would REALLY have to think about sending him to State College. God, its like JayPa forgot what its like to be in the trenches and start as a D-1 quarterback. I am not saying I wish him harm, but I hope they put him on the cover of Madden 2008.

Next, DWB was talking about how he would like the coaches to look if there was to be a shake-up at the end of the year. I think we are missing something here. We need to get LJ, Sr to retire. Here's my plan. We say that he's retiring so that he can spend more time with LJ, Jr., making sure he's not out pistol-whipping beyotches in KC. Then, we dip into the Johnson family playbook and recruit the best high school coach in America with at least 2 D-1 level prospects as sons.

Also, we couldn't stop a slant. When you're giving the receiver a 6 yard cushion, its not hard to throw a slant for a completion. I think that they completed 3 of them on 3rd down on a single drive.

Ok, I am going to go use my FoodSaver to vacuum-pack my F@!# Michigan T-shirt for next year.

I know that everyone caught the video of the Miami / Florida International brawl on TV. Listen, I know that it was a horrible event. That's been established. What I want to comment on was the one knucklehead who was swinging his helmet in the fight. Now, I am by no means a rocket scientist, but doesn't it seem logical that if your in a fight and you have easy access to head protection.....YOU MIGHT WANT TO WEAR IT! And the funniest thing was that he was using it to swing and try and hit another player who was wearing his helmet! He should be thrown out of school. Not because of the brawl, but because he is clearly not smart enough to be enrolled in a university.

Also, I caught this video on YouTube. Its funny that someone spent this much time to create a high-quality video on the subject.

Till next week.

~Kevin

Shot in the Face......

Gentlemen:

I don't think anybody should be shot in the face, but I gotta admit, that's one hell of a line. Well, let's get right down to it, and I will give you my analysis of the game based on what I saw.

(waiting........)

(still waiting......)

That's right, I didn't see the game. Not a single play. A combination of poor scheduling and the belief that it was "only Minnesota" led me to this decision. Quite frankly, I think I am better off. I think that throughout the years PSU football will shave about a year off my life. The combination of elevated blood pressure from dumb playcalling can do that to you. But, from what I hear it sounded like they are finally starting to take our advice seriously. Also, one question. What is a bubble screen? Should I feel like a dunce for not knowing this? If so, please explain, and then call me a dunce.

Ok, onto this week. Basically, the season comes down to this. We can lose the rest of this season's games and it will all be worth it if we can beat Michigan. I can't remember a victory vs. them ever. And its not so much that they beat us, it seems like there is always a shady reason behind it. Remember a couple of years ago when Tony Johnson caught that pass and he was ruled out of bounds? (and we later found out the ref was from Ann Arbor). I can't even bring myself to bring up that catastrophe of last year. Lloyd "2 seconds" Carr convincing the refs to add more time. At least Mario Manningham is out of the game this time around. I have been thinking about ways we could get shafted this year. I think the most likely one is that we are down by 6 with 5 seconds left to go, we throw a Hail Mary, Derrick Williams catches it, and as he is running for the touchdown, a sinkhole swallows him up.

As far as predictions go, I see us finally being able to break this streak. All the elements are there. Its a night game in Beaver Stadium. A white out has been declared. That place is going to rocking on Saturday night. If we bring our "A" games I think we can win. I see a 27-17 Nittany Lion victory.

Also, I am expecting full participation in the "F@!# Michigan" T-shirt club. I will be getting mine out of its sealed storage unit. A little tighter around the mid-section, but it still fits. Besides the $4.92 I spent on that severed pig's head, by far the best money that I ever spent in college.

Moving right along, for those of you who remember Chafie Fields (former PSU wideout), he was on my local all-sports radio station on Sunday answering questions. Ah....how does one put this? Let's just say that I don't think that he does radio on his weekends off from running the nuclear physics lab at MIT. Thats the part I didn't understand. I can see if you can get a big name ex-athlete on your show to answer questions, and he can barely put 2 words together. But Chafie Fields? I'm thinking Chafie has some incriminating photos of somebody at the station. Seriously.

Finally, I don't know if anybody else caught this tidbit. Jennifer "Fisheye" Wilbanks is suing her former fiance. I guess that he didn't give her back certain items like a gold couch after she ran-away before their wedding. A gold-colored couch? That should have been that guy's first tip-off. In my opinion, anybody who fancys a gold couch should be treated with extreme caution. However, if I was the fiance I would have the perfect comeback for her attempt to get back into his life, "you have no business back here."

(And yes I did spend about 5 minutes trying to figure out how to work that into the conversation)

Ok, go State this weekend! I can feel it, this is the weekend!

~Kevin

Better, but not great

Well, another week and another victory for the Nittany Lions, but I'm still not satisfied. Maybe I'm just spoiled but I didn't think we played great. What I'm looking for is a crisp game. We need this in order to accomplish my only goal for the season: beat Michigan.

First, is it just me, or is a sign from God that there haven't been any bright and sunny home games? I think this bears mentioning.

Second, we are tremendous between the 20's. In the red zone: not so much.

Thirdly, Anthony Moroni, er....Morelli is treading on thin ice as far as I'm concerned. I couldn't understand that the announcers CONSTANTLY said that this was the game Morelli really stepped up. Really? How many touchdown passes did he have? Exactly.

Fourthly, I don't like to be a nit-picker, but during the game the sideline reporter commented on the benefits of living in College State. Not State College, mind you, but College State. I think if you're going to be a female sideline reporter, you need to either A.) know the name of the town you're in or B.) be topless. Either way, you're bringing something to the table.

Fifthly, I came up with a scenario which may or may have been fueled by alcohol. I think that the PSU coaches have extracted Derrick Williams' mojo (Austin Powers-style) so that they could redistribute it to other players, such as AJ Wallace. I'm not sure I'm comfortable with this rate of decline. I mean, he's on a Zack Mills type pace of mediocrity. At this current pace, I see him with Eddie Drummond type skills by his senior year.

Sixthly, not sure if anybody else caught this, but here's my favorite news story of the past week.

Seventhly, I think we've learned one lesson. If you're a total screw up, here's the battle plan: You screw up, get caught, and then immediately declare that you're entering rehab because of alcohol. Just like here, here, and here. I think that these cluster-f's are starting to give booze a bad name. Funny how no one is going to rehab before they embarass the hell out of themselves.

Ok, till next week.

~Kevin