On a side note, I just noticed that all of my titles have the .... after them. No idea how this happened. Wasn't something that I set out to do, but it just kind of ended up that way. So, I'm gonna go with it. It'll be my little trademark. Kind of like how Seinfeld had a Superman in every episode. Yeah, just like that, except shittier and totally lacking originality.
First, here's a fun game I have played a lot recently. Feel free to play along if you get the chance. Whenever I am in a parking lot and searching for the "good spot" my alternative goal is to prevent someone from doing the pull-through. They are in their car, ready to leave, and there I am, the roadblock. This has happened to me about 3 times in the past 2 weeks, and I always seem to get a chuckle from it.
Next, here's yet another thing that annoys me. First, I want to preface this by saying that I am the WORST storyteller ever. I am. Its ok, I know it. I just can't tell you the story. I have to give you the backstory, and all the supporting details. Ask me what time I am going to be someplace. That involves at least 5 minutes of all the details why I will be arriving at said time. However, I have found something that is even worse than that. It's when someone feels compelled to replay a conversation that they had with someone else verbatim. It goes a little something like this:
Person 1: I said to the guy "blah, blah, blah, etc."
Person 1: And then he says "No way, yada, yada, yada."
Person 1: Then I said "oh yeah, blah, blah, blah."
Person 1: To which he replied "but wait, what about...."
Ahhhhh! Just get it out already! Even typing this makes me want to smack myself in the face with a wrench. If anyone EVER hears me doing this, please get me professional help.
Finally, in the immortal words of Prof. Terguson (you can IMDB that little reference if you'd like) we are going to discuss one of the easiest events of the 21st century to understand, stem cells. In response to the comments posted by others in previous posts, I couldn't agree more. The fact that you wouldn't want to pursue a line of research that has so much potential is just incredible. I'd love to know how a politican could look someone in the eye with a disease or condition that could potentially be cured with stem-cell research. It's freakin' cells for cryin' out loud. Maybe I am an idiot. (actually, let me restate. I know I'm an idiot) But I really don't know what the controversey is about. If someone does, please let me know. This would be a great listing for my "Current Events for Dummies" website. I think it has something to do with these religious nuts. Is it just me, or wasn't this country founded on the principles of a seperation of church and state? To steal some words from George Carlin, let's not forget that 9/11 was a "faith-based initiative".
Later.
Monday, July 24, 2006
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Oldies, but goodies
Here's a little end of the week bonus posting for you.
A question popped into my noggin today on my way to work. And here's the question. What's going to happen to "oldies" stations on the radio? Is there a certain number of years old a song has to be in order to be considered an "oldie?" Kind of like what happens with classic cars. If thats the case then we are going to reach a point where Sinatra, the Temptations, and Huey Lewis are going to be compressed onto the same station.
Or I thought that maybe as old people die, their music becomes less important because there is a declining fan base, and there will always be "new" oldies because we just keep this cycle going. And this makes sense because we never hear music from the 1920s. So, at some point in the future the old oldies will be gradually replaced by the new oldies. Or is it possible that we will have mulitple oldies stations, with each one featuring music from a different era. Or is it just entirely possible that I have too much free time on my hands?
You be the judge.
A question popped into my noggin today on my way to work. And here's the question. What's going to happen to "oldies" stations on the radio? Is there a certain number of years old a song has to be in order to be considered an "oldie?" Kind of like what happens with classic cars. If thats the case then we are going to reach a point where Sinatra, the Temptations, and Huey Lewis are going to be compressed onto the same station.
Or I thought that maybe as old people die, their music becomes less important because there is a declining fan base, and there will always be "new" oldies because we just keep this cycle going. And this makes sense because we never hear music from the 1920s. So, at some point in the future the old oldies will be gradually replaced by the new oldies. Or is it possible that we will have mulitple oldies stations, with each one featuring music from a different era. Or is it just entirely possible that I have too much free time on my hands?
You be the judge.
Monday, July 17, 2006
Ask and you shall receive.....
It was recently brought to my attention that a great time to update this blog would be on Monday's, after 5 pm. Wow! What a concept! Wish I would have thought of that one. But, seeing as how I do this for the fans, here it is....your Monday after 5 pm update.
First, in the last posting I made an error and forgot to mention "for your conveinence"'s illegitamate brother, "thank you in advance for your understanding in this matter." Same basic concept, but with a slight twist. Here, the whole goal is to make you feel like an ass if you raise a stink about this particular issue. How dare you call to complain, we already thanked you in advance. This is brilliant. I think I might start to use this in my personal life. Before I act like a real jerk-off (which is often), I'm just going to preface it with that line. "Hey Joe, I'd just like to thank you in advance for your understanding regarding my urinating in your fishbowl later on." This could be huge.
Next, is it just me or do we just need to shut this whole Space Shuttle thing down? I wasted a good 15 minutes on Saturday watching a NASA spokesperson on CNN try to describe the difference between a leak and seep. Classic. Guess what? They both mean crap is comin' out that ain't supposed to. Also, for those of you who missed this little tidbit, NASA hired a crew to pick up all the roadkill around the Cape Canaveral area because they were worried about vultures ramming into the shuttle during take-off. Now, I'm no rocket scientist, but don't you think that if you need to factor in vultures running into your craft during takeoff, it might be time to re-evaluate? Also, glad to see that the 30 months and millions of dollars that they spent trying to keep the foam on the external fuel tank had spectacular results. Is it just me, or did they ever consider putting the foam on the inside of the damn tank? Problem solved.
I couldn't go a whole posting without commenting on what's going on in the Middle East. I'm sure you're looking for my insightful commentary on these events. However, I've decided to put a different spin on it. I know that I have talked numerous times about various money-making schemes. But here is one that I think would actually work. I want a web-site that when shit goes down, its right on top of it, giving me the Cliff Notes version of the events. All I'm looking for is a high-level overview. Give me some maps, some charts, a timeline possibly. I turn on CNN and all thats on for 5 days is this quasi-war, and I have no idea what happened. Think of it as a "Current Events for Dummies." This can't miss. By the way, CNN really needs to re-think their criteria on when they use the "Breaking News" banner. Every time I see that damn thing, I think maybe someone got knocked off for the Death Pool, but no....its about some summit or another rocket attack or something. Here's a handy, dandy rule of thumb to use, if the same event has happened a hundred times before in the past 5 days, I think its safe to assume that its not "Breaking News." Just a thought.
Finally, in light of the events mentioned above, you would figure that our legislators would be trying to figure out ways to fix some of the problems we currently have going on. We are still feeling the effects of the post-Enron scandals, and Congress decides to tackle this threat to the business community. Here.
Till, next time.
First, in the last posting I made an error and forgot to mention "for your conveinence"'s illegitamate brother, "thank you in advance for your understanding in this matter." Same basic concept, but with a slight twist. Here, the whole goal is to make you feel like an ass if you raise a stink about this particular issue. How dare you call to complain, we already thanked you in advance. This is brilliant. I think I might start to use this in my personal life. Before I act like a real jerk-off (which is often), I'm just going to preface it with that line. "Hey Joe, I'd just like to thank you in advance for your understanding regarding my urinating in your fishbowl later on." This could be huge.
Next, is it just me or do we just need to shut this whole Space Shuttle thing down? I wasted a good 15 minutes on Saturday watching a NASA spokesperson on CNN try to describe the difference between a leak and seep. Classic. Guess what? They both mean crap is comin' out that ain't supposed to. Also, for those of you who missed this little tidbit, NASA hired a crew to pick up all the roadkill around the Cape Canaveral area because they were worried about vultures ramming into the shuttle during take-off. Now, I'm no rocket scientist, but don't you think that if you need to factor in vultures running into your craft during takeoff, it might be time to re-evaluate? Also, glad to see that the 30 months and millions of dollars that they spent trying to keep the foam on the external fuel tank had spectacular results. Is it just me, or did they ever consider putting the foam on the inside of the damn tank? Problem solved.
I couldn't go a whole posting without commenting on what's going on in the Middle East. I'm sure you're looking for my insightful commentary on these events. However, I've decided to put a different spin on it. I know that I have talked numerous times about various money-making schemes. But here is one that I think would actually work. I want a web-site that when shit goes down, its right on top of it, giving me the Cliff Notes version of the events. All I'm looking for is a high-level overview. Give me some maps, some charts, a timeline possibly. I turn on CNN and all thats on for 5 days is this quasi-war, and I have no idea what happened. Think of it as a "Current Events for Dummies." This can't miss. By the way, CNN really needs to re-think their criteria on when they use the "Breaking News" banner. Every time I see that damn thing, I think maybe someone got knocked off for the Death Pool, but no....its about some summit or another rocket attack or something. Here's a handy, dandy rule of thumb to use, if the same event has happened a hundred times before in the past 5 days, I think its safe to assume that its not "Breaking News." Just a thought.
Finally, in light of the events mentioned above, you would figure that our legislators would be trying to figure out ways to fix some of the problems we currently have going on. We are still feeling the effects of the post-Enron scandals, and Congress decides to tackle this threat to the business community. Here.
Till, next time.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
For Your Convenience....
You know what trend I have decided is quite disturbing? It's the one where a company will impose a certain policy on you and then try to pass it off as doing it "for your convenience." This is really starting to irk me greatly. For instance, next time you go to a nice restuarant (and for those of you who actually read this blog, La Bamba's is not considered a nice restuarant) look for that line at the bottom of the menu: For your convenience, parties of 6 or more will have an automatic 18% gratuity. How is this for my convenience? Really, tell me.
(Still waiting...)
That's right. It's not! It's for their convenience. For your convenience, please enter your Social Security number before we drag you into this impossible maze of a phone tree. For your convenience, we've decided to take your house, buy it from you for 30 cents on the dollar, and put a highway in its place. Ahhh!
You know what I'm waiting for? Companies to just come out and tell us what they're doing. I'm serious about this. This is the kind of honesty we, as Americans, would just leap at. Imagine if the local pizza guy told you he needed to raise his prices to pay off his debts at the track. It might suck, but at least you're getting a straight answer. And quite honestly, I'm guessing that the guy who needs to sell a hell of a lot of pies to keep his kneecaps in one piece is going to make some tasty dishes. Just a thought.
For your convenience, I'll be updating this blog in the future as often as I damn well please.
(Still waiting...)
That's right. It's not! It's for their convenience. For your convenience, please enter your Social Security number before we drag you into this impossible maze of a phone tree. For your convenience, we've decided to take your house, buy it from you for 30 cents on the dollar, and put a highway in its place. Ahhh!
You know what I'm waiting for? Companies to just come out and tell us what they're doing. I'm serious about this. This is the kind of honesty we, as Americans, would just leap at. Imagine if the local pizza guy told you he needed to raise his prices to pay off his debts at the track. It might suck, but at least you're getting a straight answer. And quite honestly, I'm guessing that the guy who needs to sell a hell of a lot of pies to keep his kneecaps in one piece is going to make some tasty dishes. Just a thought.
For your convenience, I'll be updating this blog in the future as often as I damn well please.
Monday, July 03, 2006
A donkey, siamese twins, and a set of jumper cables....
Ok, first, that title has absolutely nothing to do with what I am writing about. But quite frankly, what person can see a heading like that and cruise right by? Not many. So, with that let me officially introduce you to the Monday 5 p.m. blog. Even though I've already made several postings I figured it might be nice for those people joining us already in progress to bring you up to speed on what this blog is all about. It's a wonderful coming-of-age tale, so take a walk with me as I describe how we got here.
Anybody familiar with history will tell you that you can't know where you're going unless you know where you've been. The concept behind the Monday 5 p.m blog was started, innocently enough, in the spring of 1999 in the sleepy town of State College, PA. Here's the official story as to how it was started. One day, at the now defunct Bilo grocery store, myself and my roommates were attempting to purchase some foodstuffs for that evening's meal. However, as luck would have it, we were impeded by an older lady who was in line ahead of us. And, here's the kicker. Let's see....how can I put this? She was.......ah, she seemed.......err, ok, she had a hump. Plain and simple. It's ok. People occasionally have humps. Things happen. Anyway, in the parking lot afterwards my roommate commented that he was unsure whether he should just wait in line or use the hump as a place to rest his elbow. I know, its terrible. We immediately chided him for his juvenile and insensitve comments. However, with that....a revolution was born. We decided it would be beneficial to have a time and place where it was socially acceptable to speak your mind without fear of retaliation. However, let me lay down the ground rules. Originally we decided that Monday's between the hours of 5 pm and midnight would be our designated safe haven. Additionally, since its now being posted on the 'net, we go by the "its 5 o'clock somewhere" rule. Wouldn't want to see anybody blow an O-ring waiting 6 days to get their feelings out. Also, we do not descriminate based on race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or creed. There are much better reasons to be irritated by someone. We go on a case-by-case basis. For instance, maybe you have that annoying guy at work who's cell phone is always ringing. Maybe your neightbor steals your paper and his dog shits in your yard. Let it out! This blog is cheaper than therapy.
That's all for now. As always, your comments are always welcome.
~Kev
Anybody familiar with history will tell you that you can't know where you're going unless you know where you've been. The concept behind the Monday 5 p.m blog was started, innocently enough, in the spring of 1999 in the sleepy town of State College, PA. Here's the official story as to how it was started. One day, at the now defunct Bilo grocery store, myself and my roommates were attempting to purchase some foodstuffs for that evening's meal. However, as luck would have it, we were impeded by an older lady who was in line ahead of us. And, here's the kicker. Let's see....how can I put this? She was.......ah, she seemed.......err, ok, she had a hump. Plain and simple. It's ok. People occasionally have humps. Things happen. Anyway, in the parking lot afterwards my roommate commented that he was unsure whether he should just wait in line or use the hump as a place to rest his elbow. I know, its terrible. We immediately chided him for his juvenile and insensitve comments. However, with that....a revolution was born. We decided it would be beneficial to have a time and place where it was socially acceptable to speak your mind without fear of retaliation. However, let me lay down the ground rules. Originally we decided that Monday's between the hours of 5 pm and midnight would be our designated safe haven. Additionally, since its now being posted on the 'net, we go by the "its 5 o'clock somewhere" rule. Wouldn't want to see anybody blow an O-ring waiting 6 days to get their feelings out. Also, we do not descriminate based on race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or creed. There are much better reasons to be irritated by someone. We go on a case-by-case basis. For instance, maybe you have that annoying guy at work who's cell phone is always ringing. Maybe your neightbor steals your paper and his dog shits in your yard. Let it out! This blog is cheaper than therapy.
That's all for now. As always, your comments are always welcome.
~Kev
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