Running Diary.....Price is Right Million Dollar Spectacular

I know what you're thinking. We waited two extra days for this? Yes, you did. It's Wednesday and I couldn't think of anything else to write about. (By the way, feel free to let me know about any topics you would like me to comment on.) And since I got my new laptop, I haven't done much web surfing from my couch. So, I figured that this would be as good a time as any. So, without further ado.....

8:05 pm. The first contestant to come up gets to play one of my all-time favorite, least utilized games on the Price is Right.....the Golden Road. This is where you find the price of an item, and if you get it right, you use those numbers on the next item and so forth. The grand prize in this case is a Dodge Viper. That's one of the things that I always loved about the Price is Right. You really could be hit or miss with the prizes. One person might be able to win a Viper and the person right after could win $1500 of bedroom furniture. Never seemed right to me, but that's what we're going with. Ooops.....she just crapped out on a snowmobile and lost the chance to try for the Viper.

8:09 pm. Janice is coming down to Contestants Row.....the prize is an electronic keyboard. Sad to see that Jessica Simpson has had to take work as one of Barker's Beauties since her divorce. Ok, maybe it's not her but it's really close. I would put a link to the Barker's Beauties website, but I don't want anyone reading this at work to get fired.

8:11 pm. Felicity has a chance to win $24K playing "Its in the Bag." I don't like this game. You have to match the items up with their correct prices. Umm...actually that was a bad description since that could pretty much describe any of the games on here. She has a pretty diverse group. Antacid, soap, cookies, and air freshener. Damn! She lost by incorrectly matching up Dial Soap with the antacid. I think it's safe to assume that Dial just lost a customer for life. I think that's the seedy underbelly of the P.I.R. that no one talks about. For instance, Felicity is going to cringe every time she sees a bar of Dial soap for the rest of her life. A pretty stiff price to pay.

8:13 pm. Roger heads down to Contestant's Row. His shirt says "Team Bob" Ok, I don't like Roger. That was the best he could do? Janice wins the pricing game.

8:14 pm. Did I mention that Janice looks like Jane Fonda and Cathy Mitchell's love child? And that she's apparently mugged Gerry Spence and stole his frilly cowboy jacket? Well, it didn't take too long to prove my point about unfair prize distribution. Janice is a female in her mid to late 50's. Her prizes could potentially be a dining room table, a set of golf clubs, and a Family Guy pinball machine. My guess is that they weren't options 1,2,3 or 10,765 on her list.

8:16 pm. They threw me a curve ball. Since this is the Million Dollar Spectacular, she will also have a chance to play for a new Lincoln if she matches all three of the other prizes.

8:19 pm. Well, that didn't take too long. After Bob's jibber jabbering, Janice proceeded to bust on the very first item. Bob seems just a little TOO happy to let the audience know that we've had all losers up to this point.

8:25 pm. Next up is the spinning of the big wheel. Oh boy, if they hit the $1.00 they get $10,000. If they hit it again during the bonus spin they win $1 million. By the way, spinning the Big Wheel is one of the things that I would love to do before I die. In fact, I would pay money to get the chance.

8:27 pm. Felicity just got the first $1. She's spinning again for the chance to win $1M. Ok, as the wheel is spinning she says hi to the kids that she used to babysit! Are you kidding me? You get your chance to be on TV in front of a national prime-time audience and the people that you most want to give a shout-out to are some ungrateful dream-thieves who never liked you? Not even a "Hi Mom?" Needless to say, I'm speechless.

8:29 pm. They just let us know that there is a 2nd prime time P.I.R. show on tomorrow night! I feel another running diary coming on.

8:31 pm. I miss Rod Roddy. I always wondered where he got those shiny aluminum jackets.

8:32 pm. Karen gets the chance to win a new trailer. This might be the smallest trailer I have ever seen. Score! She is going to play Cliffhanger. The game with the Yodeler guy, who will fall off the cliff if you misjudge the prices by too much. (On a related side note, I recently had my own person Cliffhanger-like experience. I was at the doctors because my allergies had really been acting up. Of course they have to poke and prod you before the doctor comes in. Anyway, the nurse is weighing me, and she is tapping that weight further and further to the right. I was like one of the contestants, internally yelling that it was free to stop at any time it felt like it. Needless to say, I need to have a few more salads and few less slices of cheesecake.)

8:35 pm. I am not drinking, and my guess is that this still doesn't make any sense.

8:37 pm. Scott is the next player into Contestant's Row. His t-shirt says "Chicago loves Bob." That's it. I am totally shocked at how bad these shirts suck. Roger wins a hot tub. He claims to have been watching the P.I.R. for 25 years. His reward? A chance to win a Ford Exploder, err....Explorer.

8:39 pm. Roger gets to play "Lucky Seven." Kind of a cross between Cliffhanger and your local loan shark. You get $7 to by the car. You have to guess each digit in the car's value. For each amount that you are off, you owe $1. And you still need $1 to be able to buy the car at the end. Interestingly enough, that's exactly the Kelly Blue Book value of a new Explorer.

8:40 pm. Roger wins the Explorer. He immediately tries to trade it for a year's supply of eggs. Bob refuses, laughs in his face, and then punches him right in the mouth. (Ok, I made that last part up, but it could have happened.)

8:41 pm. The new player on Contestant's Row is Jean. Her t-shirt says "Will Neuter for Plinko Chip." Umm......I'm afraid to say anything.

8:42 pm. Thomas (who's been stuck in Contestant's Row purgatory since the beginning of the show) wins a new grill and gets to go on stage. He gets to play a newer game called "Pushover" for the chance to win a trip to Europe. Ok, dumbass Thomas originally said the trip was $71,650. At least someone in the audience had the sense to set him straight. And.......he wins! Bob plays his classic "cat and mouse" ploy where he pump fakes several times before revealing that the contestant has won. Just once I'd like to see him do this, have the contestant not win, and then see Bob laughing his ass off as the contestant limps off the stage.

8:43 pm. I am beginning to think I am not going to see a game of Plinko tonight.

8:46 pm. Time for the 2nd Big Wheel Spin. My money is on Karen. Ok, Thomas just got $0.95, so scratch that Karen pick. Roger barely misses $1. And.....then falls short. It'll be Thomas vs. Felicity in the Showdown.

8:51 pm. There's no place where the disparity between prize levels is more relevant than in the Showcase Showdown. I always loved it when the first contestant passed on the trip to Pennsylvania Dutch country, and then took their chances with the 2nd prize which always turned out to be a Corvette or something. Then the second contestant has to fake enthusiasm and act like they are much happier with the crappy trip as opposed to the hot sports car. Right.......

8:53 pm. Felicity just gave a shout out to a lady she met at the supermarket in 1987.

8:54 pm. Pretty good first prize package. Its a home theater (including nice seats), a Happy Gilmore DVD, and TWO Ford Mustangs. Thomas bids $59,000.

8:55 pm. Felicity gets a shot at a home gym, a bed and mattress, and a Cadillac XLR. Well, I am glad to see that they stepped up the prizes for the Prime Time Spectacular.

8:56 pm. Ok, I think I am putting this together. I think that the family she used to babysit for kept her in the house for 8 or 9 years. She just bid $60,100 for a package that includes a $70,000 sports car.

8:57 pm. Shocker! Felicity slightly underbid on her package. The actual retail price was $90,239. Hey, what's a difference of $30,139 between friends?

8:59 pm. Ah!!! Thomas overbid by $3,000 so Felicity wins anyway.

What a wild ride. That's one of the best things about the P.I.R. You never knew how it was going to turn out. And the underdog always had a shot.

Well, that's enough for now, and make sure to have your pets spayed or neutered.

Till next week.

~Kevin