Wasn't really planning on writing anything for this week, but I mentioned in passing that I had some thoughts and questions regarding handicapped bathroom stalls. The Chad felt that this would be something that we could all benefit from. So, who am I to go against the wishes of the public.
My thoughts on the handicapped stall are near and dear to my heart. For those of you who know me, know that I take my public restrooms very seriously. I can't go just anywhere. In fact, at my last job, the facilities were so sub-par that I would actually leave and drive to Sam's Club, which was about a minute away. I am pretty sure that I got my $30 annual membership fee back in toilet paper alone.
While we're on the topic, I think that a million dollar idea would be a cell-phone based service that (for a small fee) would give you the location of the nearest clean, safe, and open public restroom. Think of it like this, it's 1 am and you're in a strange city. You have a brown growler marinating, and you're home base is hours away. You wouldn't pay $1.99 for this? I know I would. (You know, if I ever left the house.)
Anyway, onto the handicapped stalls. A lot of the benefits were previously laid out by Larry the Cable Guy during one of the "Blue Collar" shows. Extra leg room, grab bars for "power squeezing", and they are usually the cleanest of all the stalls because they don't get much use.
My question is this. Is it ever allowable for a non-handicapped person to use that stall? I am torn on this. My gut feeling is that it's not worth the risk, and that you are just better off using the regular ones. I wouldn't want to be known as the guy who took the stall while someone who actually needed it had to wait. Disgrace and office ridicule would follow. Am I alone on this? Has anyone ever considered this? Please let me know.
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3 comments:
Well, here are The Chad's criteria for using the handicap stall.
First, if it is the only clean stall (i.e. no shit or piss on the seat, no "Lake Pisschigan", and NO FLOATERS).
Second, if all other stalls are full.
It's a shitter, not a handicap parking spot. I compare it to the handicap seats on any form of public transportation. If there isn't a handicapped person on the bus, I use it. And that little plaque behind the seat says it is ok.
Now, I would like to discuss a problem I have with the handicap section of your nearest public shit house. As a rule, the toilet is considerably taller than a regular toilet. This becomes a major problem when you are dropping a deuce. I find the seat quite uncomfortable and because of the height and a poorly chosen seat, I start to loose circulation in my legs. I feel like I am sitting on Shaq's crapper, with my legs dangling to reach the floor. The last thing you want to happen after taking a shit in a public out house is to fall down because you fucking legs fell asleep. I know it is that height so that the can slide out of their wheelchair onto the toilet that is the same height, but fuck that. Why can't they drop and in or two.
That's all I got.
The Chad
My biggest fear would be the public ridicule. A situation similar to this happened to me yesterday. I was in the stall next to the handicapped one. As luck would have it, a person who needed the stall came in and used it. What if I would have been in there? I would have been "that guy" in the office. I can take a lot of heat for a lot of things, but I'm not sure I am reading to deal with that kind of stigma.
The luxury suite is the busiest of all the stalls at my place of business. We do not have one handicapped person in the office.
I'll take Kevin's position even further: I can not use a public restroom to drop a deuce, unless it is a dire emergency. I just can't do it.
Now for a bit of a tangent, what is the limit of discussing bodily functions at work? My coworkers think nothing is off limits and frequently rip some farts that would make CWG proud. Let me put it this way, I get to hear in detail about how useful the handrail was for those particularly difficult sessions. One guy comes out of the shitter fanning himself and breathing heavily. I think its funny, but where is the limit?
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