Unfortunately, those of you who waited the whole week hoping for a knock-out post this week, you're going to be disappointed. Just more of the same crap that I usually put out week after week. Enjoy!
A funny story to pass along to you. Last week at work, I had a seminar taught by an outside speaker. The room where this was held had the capability for a wireless microphone. At one point during the presentation, we took a break and the speaker headed to the men's room. (If anyone has seen the Naked Gun, you'll know where this is going.) However, he did not realize that the microphone was still on. Someone had the decency to race into the men's room and quickly alert him to this fact before we heard too many "noises."
Next, when I become President in 2032 one of the first things that I will outlaw is cars that park on the side of road and they look like police cars. Basically, if you are driving a late model Impala or Crown Victoria the only color that it should come in is periwinkle blue. This would eliminate the worst feeling that you can have on the road (well, 2nd worst, right after eating Taco Bell and realizing that the next rest stop is 50 miles away.) That is the feeling of cruising along and before you know it, you see that car parked along the side of the road. You immediately hit the brakes to get your speed down a bit. However, as you draw closer you realize that it's just some knucklehead who stopped to stretch his legs. I hate that! This will be eliminated in the Kevin administration.
Till next week.
***** Three quick addendums since I originally posted this. First, someone brought this to my attention and I completely agree. If I ever have a health crisis make sure to get me the doctor who worked on President Palmer on 24. In the span of about 8 hours, President Palmer went from deathbed to coma to running the nation from his secure bunker. Good times!
Also, I am switching back and forth to the NCAA Basketball Finals. In the three minutes that I watched they called 37 fouls. This can't be good for the game. Also, this has been mentioned a lot, but I am going to bring it up anyway. Does anyone see Greg Oden pulling a Danny Almonte and us finding out 10 years from now that Oden is really 32? I say yes.
Finally, don't allow yourself to get on Wikipedia under any circumstances. I might have mentioned this before, but it's a good warning for everyone out there. You'll lose at least an hour of your life on there. The worst thing that happens is that you start reading articles about MacGyver and an hour later you're now reading the complete history of American Gladiators. Just a scary waste of time. ****************
~Kevin
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19 comments:
My company vehicle looks official, and recently i was stopped at the side of the road to check my maps. I looked up and realized that people were hitting the brakes as they approached me. So I sat there longer than necessary to cause people to crap themselves. It was fun.
If you are afraid of getting a ticket, slow down. Also, if you are in the left lane and you are not actively passing someone, I hope you die. Or have explosive diarrhea.
Congrats to the University of Florida! They just won back-to-back National Championships in men's basketball. On a related note, Penn State just signed the 3rd Team All-State Center from Idaho. High Five!
Fuck Floridia!
And Kev, the kid isn't from Idaho, I think its Alaska.
Somebody please tell me that DWB is joking. If we really did sign the 3rd Team All-State center from Alaska , I might have to permanently renounce PSU basketball.
Maybe if we let more dikes and fags play we wouldn't be as bad. Oh, that's right, we don't tolerate those type of people at our school.
Ok, who the hell wrote that? That was offensive (even by my standards). Get a life.
How the hell did we miss Eddie Robinson? He just kicked it.
Whats up with PSU football?
http://pennstate.scout.com/2/633051.html
Logan El Leaves.
Not to mention the alleged brawl. Its not looking good
Has anyone seen the movie, Blood Diamond. We rented it last weekend and I thought it was a rally good flick, but it did make me think about American over indulgence. The movie is about all of the diamonds that Africa mines and sees no money from. So, as I was watching this on my 48" plasma screen while sitting on my leather couch with my BMW in the garage looking at pictures from my cruise...I was thinking...damn...I should donate some money to an African cause, then I went to bed. God Bless America.
Seriously. I do think we have a consumption problem in the US, but it is not something I am real interested in putting any effort into changing.
Any thoughts???
Consumption is the only thing keeping the economy going.
I'm just going to be pissed when I have to subsidize the retirement of these clowns because I was smart enough to save a little money and they weren't.
James, get the fuck of this site. What the fuck is wrong with you? There is no room for any politically correct thought here. You have totally destroyed the true meaning of the Monday 5 pm guidelines set forth by great men some 7 years ago.
Chad,
Reading comprehension is fundamental. That is all
Sorry Chad...I was trying to be politically incorrect...
I'll try harder
FUCKING BLACKS...GO BACK TO AFRICA AND FIND ME SOME FUCKING DIAMONDS
Wow James. I think you went a little far on that one. I can't believe you said that. I not only find that offensive to "African Americans," but to the entire human race.
ANOTHER WEEK......
and no new post. Damn you Kevin. Where is the mindless diatribe?
Thank You In Advance For Understanding...
Attention all Monday 5pm Blog enthusiasts...
The day before Easter, Kevin's computer finally quit. He has been without internet since then and will continue to be without until atleast Wednesday when his brand new Dell laptop is scheduled to arrive.. Yes, I did say brand new. Thanks again for your patience. Hopefully, his next post is worth your wait.
PS... This is supposed to be my good first impression.
Oh, and I almost forgot.. I'm the one winning the death pool ;-)
First off, I got the scoop on how you picked your potentials corpses from the free(?) magazines you get from your pupils. That is so wrong. Anyway, once Fidel and Wooden kick it, the game is on. As for Kevin, what the frig. I am really surprised you didn't try to get Dell to give you a new computer for free because you only had it for like 7 years. I know it isn't a book bag, but I know you wanted to call Michael Dell up and bitch about it not working for fucking ever. I bet you broke out the warranty information just to check. Anyway, get your shit together and post some not funny crap for us to read at work.
Actually, it was from a magazine subscription I bought from a senior as a fundraiser so she could go on her senior trip.
I don't know about you, but I don't know too many students who read US News and World Report.
Kevin said they were rags. As in US and People. I was misinformed. Yet another thing we can blame on Kev.
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