Wing Bowl

"He whom the gods love dies young" - Plautus

I was thinking of a quote that could be used to summarize Wing Bowl, and this seemed to be as good as any. I mean, when you eat 182 chicken wings in 30 minutes you probably don't have a really long life expectancy. And, a little cultural enrichment never hurt either.

Anyway, I was originally going to do this as a running diary, but I realized that I don't have the mental capacity to keep all these events straight. So, consider this to be a recap of today's event to the best of my knowledge.

We'll start with a quick recap for those of you who aren't up to speed. The Wing Bowl is Philadelphia-based chicken wing eating contest that is held the Friday before the Super Bowl. Contestants participate in 3 rounds of eating, and the person with the highest cumulative number of wings eaten is the winner. (And by winner, I mean the person with Yokozuna-level cholesterol, indigestion, and future epic-level Hershey squirts)

Here are some of the highlights:

1. This event started at 6 am to coincide with 610 WIP's morning radio show, which is the event's sponsor. The doors to the Wachovia Center opened at 5 am. The parking lot opened at 4 am. Tailgating in the parking lot of the adjacent Holiday Inn started at midnight. Oh, and last night's low temperature was in the 20's. Warrants mentioning.

2. Tickets for this event sold out in a little less than one day. The need to sell tickets became necessary after the 2004 event when 50,000 people showed up to an arena that seats no more than 20,000. On a related note, a total of 225 people turned out to vote in my town during the 2006 mid-term elections.

3. I know this is hard to believe, but many people showed up to this event having already consumed a large amount of alcohol. The five young knuckleheads who sat directly behind us were full of fury when we got there, but they faded fast.

4. An interesting side event is the oogling of the Wingettes. Wingettes accompany each of the competitors and are the ones who supply them with fresh wings as they run out. They also serve as tremendous eye-candy. A great majority of the Wingettes appeared to be independent adult entertainment contractors from the local establishments. Additionally, random females from the audience will occasionally flash the crowd as well. For instance, a lady who I think was pushing her mid 40's had no problem baring her bosoms and caboose at least 10-12 times. Philadelphia.....it's Phantastic!

5. I think I found the future of the back tattoo. The tattoo on the small of a woman's back has been done for quite a long time. I saw something new today. One of the Wingettes had a tattoo that ran from her mid-back, around her side, ending by her hip. Not only do I think that this has 100% chance to catching on, just remember that you read it here first.

6. Another innovation that I noticed today is the bikini top that has just the minimum amount of material to it. It's almost as if the manufacturers determined the size of an average nipple, added 1 millimeter, and called it a day.

7. Today's "E For Effort" award goes to the guy two rows in front of us who attempted to use his binoculars in combination with his camera-phone to increase his zoom capabilities.

8. I found out that there are 3 basic methods used by professional competitors to eat a wing.
A. The "Rotisserie Method" - Here they just spin the wing around until all the meat is eaten
B. The "Divide and Conquer Method" - Here, the two bones are split apart and each one is tackled separately.
C. The "Bone Stripper Method" - Here the eater will just shove the whole wing in their mouth, and when its ripped out, all of the meat has been stripped off.

9. There was an overly high level of guys who were snapping pictures of the semi-nude Wingettes and the flashing audience members. Let me explain. I'm not saying that it's out of the ordinary to do this, but these guys seemed a little TOO interested. Borderline, creepy interested. My theory is that these are the guys who aren't allowed to visit their local gentlemen's club, and the Wing Bowl has become their substitute. They have to squeeze a year's worth of visits into 4 hours. Not to break the guy code, but I see these digital pics being downloaded to the "Important Tax Documents - DO NOT DELETE" folder on their computer later today.

10. The winner, Joey Chestnut, ate a world-record 182 wings in 30 minutes of eating. That's something that won't be topped soon.

Well, at least until next year. See you on Monday.

~Kevin