For those of you who know me, you know that when I am wronged through poor customer service I have no problem with starting a boycott against that company. And, I know what you're thinking. "We've heard this all before. Quit crying you big baby. Grow a pair." I asked all of you to avoid Wendy's this past summer. Not quite sure that any of you followed through on that, but I know that you were there with me in spirit. With that being said, here is how my latest (and greatest boycott) started.
I have one of those briefcase/messenger style bags from Eddie Bauer that I use to carry stuff to work. Its nothing spectacular. Just a regular bag that did its job well. Up until last week, that is. Last week one of the clips that keeps the strap attached to the bag broke off. Oh, and it has a broken zipper for the main compartment as well. Not knowing what else to do, I looked up the return policy on merchandise from the Eddie Bauer website. Here's what it said "If, at any time, you are not completely satisfied with your purchase, simply exchange it or return it to us for a refund. Your purchase is guaranteed for the lifetime of the product under normal wear and tear and/or defects in original workmanship."
Now, I am not a brilliant man, but I interpreted this to mean that I could exchange my busted bag for a new one. I couldn't have been more wrong. You see, the fine people at Eddie Bauer have a slightly different interpretation as to what the term "lifetime" means. Here is their response: "A backpack's lifetime should be about two years, when used daily to carry an average amount of weight." That's it, ladies and gentlemen. The most you can expect from a piece of Eddie Bauer merchandise is two years. I have a Jansport backpack from high school that I still use on occasion and it is in great shape.
Eddie Bauer's own customer service representatives only made the situation more confusing. From their explanation a "lifetime" is the product's usable time. This might be the greatest marketing ploy ever. Essentially they give you a lifetime warranty, but the warranty is void the moment that the product becomes defective. This just happens to be the time when you need the guarantee the most. It took 2 trips to the mall, 1 phone call, and 2 emails to explain all this.
Needless to say, I am pissed. The thing that bothers me the most is that if they only wanted to cover the product for 2 years they could easily do so. They would only need to write "this product has a limited guarantee for two years after the initial purchase." If that was the case, we wouldn't be having this conversation. Instead, you would have been subjected to a posting of either "Why I love toast" or "Why everyone needs a robe." But it didn't. It says lifetime guarantee. I put this up there with The Chad's run-in with AT&T where they told him he couldn't get good cellular reception near buildings, trees, water, rocks, and power lines. In fact, I am getting angry all over again just writing all this down.
So, I am asking all of you to immediately begin a boycott of Eddie Bauer and its shoddy products. No shirts, no overpriced Ford Explorers. Nothing. I am choosing to voice my displeasure with my wallet. I won't stop until I get satisfaction (or until I get tired and give up). My next move is a written letter to their CEO. I am also going to alert the PA Bureau of Consumer Protection about their deceptive practices.
Whew! I feel better now. Till next week.
~Kevin
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13 comments:
This is pure genius. Whoever devised the scheme of a product's lifetime lasting up to the point of failure is brilliant and should be awarded some sort of Nobel Prize. I'm sorry you found out because your bag broke, but this is incredible.
I will continue my streak of not buying any Eddie Bauer products. In fact, if I ever meet Ed, I will kick him right in the balls for you.
Anna Nicole Smith is dead! Did anyone get any points for that?
I'm kicking myself b/c I didn't pick a high risk candidate such as herself.
Jonboy
I'm with you Kevin. I have a similar story. When Sandy and I bought our house, we purchased applicances for the house, we decided on GE appliances. All(Fridge, Dishwaser, Range, Washer, and Dryer) are working well and I recommend them. However, we are on our 2nd microwave and it just took a shit yesterday. I could understand this if it happened once, I understand that even in a six sigma world, there are still 3 or 4 defects per million, but I refuse to believe that I have bad enough luck to get 2 of those 3 or 4 in less than a year.
I am not calling for a boycott of GE because I own the stock, and after a few years of stagnation, I think it is about to take off.
Kev...I will boycott Eddie Bauer, the closest store to me is about 45 minutes away anyway.
Anybody else think Anna Nicole was slipped a sedative by someone who had her in a death pool???
Anna Nicole died because of the diet pills she was taking. I know its ironic, but you need to be in some sort of good shape to take those things. Otherwise, your heart explodes.
I'm angry I didn't have her in my death pool. It was her or Courtney Love, and I picked wrong. Then again we are only a month into the year.
One more thing...I am pissed off at people who are pissed off about how much money CEO's and professional athletes make. Its capitalism, bitches. If you honestly think you can go in a football game and outplay even Rex Grossman, be my guest. As for CEO pay, you are just jealous that you couldn't negotiate a better salary for yourself. Don't like it? Start your own business. Then you can see how easy it is to make money on your own. I get it, most Americans are closet Socialists. They must be if they are angry that someone else is getting more than they are. Either that or they are in a union. Then again I guess thats the same thing. Seriously, the only thing that counts in a union is how well you perform your job. Wait, my bad, its not performance, its the cumulative amount of oxygen you have consumed.
Fuck Eddie Bauer.
What a weird week. Anna Nicole dies. We have an astronaut who drove 900 miles wearing a diaper so she could kidnap/murder her rival in a love triangle. See, this is why I don't like to leave the house.
Kev your post and the other comments were a great read! I just love the "room for interpretation" they leave in those policy write ups. I'm with you on your complaint, and you deserve a new bag so go straight to the CEO (maybe send a dollar bill for him to sign while your at it) - Hey, did you ask if they could just send you a replacement clip?? I know, I know it's the principle ...
I would've loved for them to send me just a new clip. However, it's built into the strap of the bag. I also thought about just getting a whole new strap. But the other side is permanently attached to the bag. If I don't get anywhere with them, I might just cut it off and go with the new strap. However, the strap will be from LL Bean or something, and I will send them future yearly updates showing how well its holding up.
You cheap mother fucker, is your last name now Millerstein. I can't believe you are to cheap to buy a new bag. Also, I remember you busting several a Jansport bags in high school and pulling the same shit. Personally, I am a huge fan of Eddie Bauer. Maybe when my underwear from there start falling apart, I will pay them a visit and ask for a new pair. That sounds stupid doesn't it; as do you. I understand that it says lifetime warranty under normal wear and tear conditions, but based on personal knowledge of you, I know you break bags like James used to break theater seats. So, shut the fuck up and pay the $20 for a new bag asshole. And for Wes, fuck all those thug athletes and fat bastard CEO's who get paid exorbitant sums of money and add nothing to society. Your opinion on the matter has no value because you work for the scum sucking power industry. And James, stop putting metal in the microwave.
It has nothing to do with me being cheap. And its called "frugal" not cheap. It's the principle of the thing. It says lifetime warranty, and they should back it up. To use your underwear analogy, if they had a lifetime warranty you would take them back when they wore out.
Ah yes, now it makes sense. We all know Chad was picked on by the cool kids and athletes in school and that is why he is so angry.
Hmmm...maybe I should go apply to work at a defense contractor. We know they are all on the up and up.
I was the cool athlete Wes, so know your role biiaatch. Athlete is kind of a lose definition, but it my case it still applies. As for Kevin, I noticed you did not acknowledge the many of bags I remember you having bust open as you wall down the hall. You have taken this boycott crap to far. To offset your boycott, I went to Eddie Bauer and bought some stuff this weekend and then I had Wendy's for lunch. I also am planning on going to the Penn State Sub Shop the next time I am at school. Take that shit.
Wow...Chad lets define "loose definition." Do you really want me to talk about your dad being the coach of the basketball team and you being a member of said team? I understand if thats a sensitive topic.
As for me working for a big power company, well we aren't that big. On the plus side, management really fucked the union on the last contract. An added bonus is that the stock is near an all time high.
Thats right, we are raising rates and reducing service. The best part? Our customers can't do a damn thing about it.
Thanks for writing this.
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